How often has it been said that you should spend time with, and treasure, the ones you love while you still have the chance. Still, while we nod our heads in agreement, we simply disregard it.
It’s the same thing as praying to God in happy times, or, if you prefer something farther from heaven, being in touch with your lawyer. We usually pray or call when there’s a problem. Sometimes, we call just in the nick of time. Sometimes it’s too late.
My father underwent brain surgery to remove a tumor – a nasty group of kamikaze cells that we later learned was the size bigger than an egg. The operation when well, and my father was back to his old self an hour after the operation. He was joking and laughing with the entire family.
The entire family was in Cebu, except me. I was back in Manila as soon as he was wheeled into the operating room. I figured he would be fine because the entire family is there.
Just this morning, I went back to Cebu. I was greeted by the (relatively) fresher Cebuano air, as well as the news that my father had to be brought back to the operating room. I made it to the hospital before he was brought inside. I saw him, alright, but we weren’t able to talk. I can see he wanted to speak, but he can’t. He wanted to sit up, but he can’t. He wanted to raise his hand to hold me; he can’t. These are symptoms of the reasons, his doctors said, why they had to bring him back to the OR.
Am I guilty because I wasn’t there days earlier?
I never saw, and never would have wanted to see, my father like that. Growing older, however, has a sadistic trend of showing us more pain. I already experienced my son brought to the emergency room – just a high fever, but seeing the tears of a first son, in pain, is extremely painful to a father. The same is true watching your father in pain. In both instances, I would gladly suffer the the pain for them.
The operation went well, thanks to God (and his doctors). He is in the ICU now, where we can’t be with him. Even if there are a few minutes of visiting time, we can’t do much because he had to be sedated. We pray by our lonesome. There is a God, and I don’t intend to ask Him why bad things happen to good people.
There’s nothing left to do but wait (and, apparently, blog while at the hospital cafe).
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Guilt Trip: spend time with loved ones | Atty-at-Work
