There are a lot of people who are not into a more serious kind of relationship. Just friends, ‘ika nga. This is understandable for teens, who believe — or whose parents believe — that they’re too young to be in a relationship. For someone in his/her 20s, however, not getting into a relationship is something of a puzzle. The difficulty of this puzzle increases by increments of 10. So, for those who are in their 30s, not being into a relationship is more puzzling. The puzzle intensifies by 40 (and should stop by 50).
Anyway, there are a number of reasons given. Some may be busy with their careers and see relationships as dead weights that slow down their climb up the corporate ladder. Some are so picky and are waiting for the perfect one (these are the ones who end up with no one). Some, unfortunately, are simply not, for lack of a better term, “discovered” by the opposite sex.
Majority, however, are simply afraid to love. There’s no statistics supporting this. You can argue all you want against this assertion, but this is my opinion. People fear love either because they have no previous relationship or they were badly scarred in a previous relationship.
But why fear love?
True, love is a potion that leads so many people to do stupid things. People die — and kill — for love. People waste their fortune for love. People forget about their jobs and their families. A heartbreak, to be sure, is painful.
Then again, why be afraid of love?
Being hurt by someone you love is painful, and, man (or woman) is designed by evolution to instinctively flee from something which is painful. But how can we separate pain arising from love from any other kinds of pain that life brings? Life is pain. Studies and work bring pain. Business entails sacrifices. But no pain, no gain, ‘ika nga. The long and short of it is this — pain is inevitable and must be welcomed. Accepting pain as an integral part of life is not being a masochist, someone who derives gratification from pain. Acceptance and gratification are totally different matters. Life, without pain, is boring and meaningless. It’s a total waste of life.
It’s this pain that leads so many to stop pursuing their full potentials. You don’t love because of the fear of pain, and you throw away the beautiful emotions that love brings.
In the final analysis, it’s not love that we fear — it’s the fear of losing the one you love. Imagine having a significant other in college. You go to school together. You eat, study, relax and, at times, sleep, together. Even if the intensity of the relationship is not as great, you’ll somehow get used to him or her being there. Then, as in any other aspects of life, that special someone will be gone (you won’t feel the pain, of course, if you’re the one to see St. Peter first, but would you want that?)
The loss could be because of a new love. He/she doesn’t love you anymore. It could be death or some other circumstances. The result is pain, and the common response to that pain is to think that it would have been better not to have loved at all, as there would have been no pain.
But why would you want not to live your life to the fullest? We only live once.
how can i move on…?? if i love him until now??