You may have heard this line uttered in a number of unrelated events: The first time is the hardest. It could be an exam. Perhaps a job interview. Going to war. Speaking in public. Sex, even.
But I’m not talking about any of those, especially sex, something which you may have noticed from the “categories” (Baby on Board, Fatherhood, Children) under which this article is posted.
It’s about having a kid. And I don’t totally agree that having the first child is more difficult that the subsequent kids.
Here are the reasons why I believe having the first kid is not the most difficult:
1. Excitement. You’re more excited with the first pregnancy. Everything is new, both for the mother and the father. There’s the paglilihi. With excitement comes a great dose of adrenalin. It keeps you pumped up and it’s absolutely ok not to have sleep all night. You just stare at your baby. You stare then you get your camera. Picture-taking the whole night. You could go on like that for months.
2. The unknown. So when the first time our first baby had a flu, we’re off to the hospital. Baby won’t eat? Hospital. Rashes? Hospital. By the time the second baby comes along and he/she gets a flu and a cold, you just hand over the tissue. Sure, we fear the unknown and dealing with something for the first time requires more energy. But this is balanced by our innate curiosity. For instance, we love to know the top 5 reasons why a baby cries (that will save you a lot of headache). This curiosity, coupled with a high dose of adrenalin, may not be there with the second baby.
3. Others Understand. People are more patient and more understanding of you knowing that you’re having a first baby. Others assume that you don’t know what you’re doing. Even nurses and doctors ask: “Is this your first baby?” Sure, they may have a legitimate reason for asking, but it seems that the underlying message is this: “This is your second baby and you still don’t know what to do?” You look cute doing stupid things with the first baby; the second baby and you still do stupid things, you just look plain stupid.
4. The Numbers Game. There’s such a thing as “economies of scale” in business — simply put, the higher the volume, the greater the profit even with a lower margin. But having a kid is not a business, unless you’re in the surrogate motherhood business or the infant supplies/services business. With the first kid, you take care only of that kid. With a second kid, you take care of that baby and the older kid. So on and so forth. It would be ok if you’re a gremlin and could multiply upon contact with water (yes, including the baby’s wee-wee). You’re only human.
If you have other reasons or if you don’t agree, let’s hear from you. Please use the comment section below.
